Holding on

A couple of days ago, I was perusing Grace’s blog (having linked to her posters post, I thought I’d see what she was like in general – quite impressed so far), and I read this post where she comments on extra traffic and controversy following that poster thing. At the end of the post she asked new visitors to introduce themselves, and posed us a question: “what do you wonder about?” I said this:

what I wonder about most is that if Jesus was preaching His message today, would I be following His call, or throwing stones?”

Today, as I get back into the office and catch up with my RSS subscriptions, Grace linked to this amazing post: Losing my Religion.

I’m really tempted just to leave it at that, so not say any more. Sonja’s words are so much more eloquent than I could be… but I guess I owe it to my friends to say a bit more than that, to tie things together a little…

In amongst the messiness of life in the last year or so, I’ve started on a journey, one where the destination is utterly unknown to me. I’ve begun more and more to question what it means to follow God, to believe in Jesus. I’ve read the gospels in a fresh light, and I know just why the Pharisees wanted him dead. If I had been there, and heard him say those words, I think I would have too.

I don’t know how Jesus would phrase his message today. But I do, strongly, believe that he would be shouting at the western church in the same way as he did to those Pharisees, priests, scribes and Sadducees. Because I think our faith looks far more like theirs than it does his.

I’m not sure I have the guts to live the Way, the faith our ancient forefathers had. And I’m not sure that Paul, or James, or Tertullian, or any of the others would recognise me as a believer. As Barney said in his preach yesterday: would any of us pass the requirements for baptism the Early Church had?

Like Sonja, I’m not sure how much assurance of salvation I have anymore. I love Jesus; I know he is real. But I don’t know if how I live my life is enough for me to use the word ‘Christian’ to describe me. And I have no idea how He would describe me.

God is.
And He loves us.
The rest, I’m afraid, is in flux at the moment.
Thanks for reading – go read this now…
Peace
a

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