Processing

So, how do you make sense of 7 months of life-changing experience? Or the two years of hardship before that? How do you reflect on life, in a way that allows you to move forward, without losing the value of all you’ve encountered?

This is my dilemma as I come to the end of my 7 month sabbatical. Somehow I need to make sense of all that I have experienced in that time, and work through the questions that I asked myself there, and try to finally come to some answers. Or, if not answers, then at least workable solutions.

My return to these pages is full of questions, as is everything else in my life. I no longer feel the compulsion to write about random tech lustings or who said what in the emerging/Christian field. I’m questioning my prior reticence towards writing about my own life and circumstances. I feel that, now, all I have are my own experiences, but even so I cannot guarantee that they will appear here. I have a million thoughts and impressions and feelings clouding through my mind, and I honestly don’t know how I will condense them, or if I will want post the results here. We shall see.

For now, I want to tell you this: I am tired. I am exhausted. I have worked hard and long in a beautiful, crazy, intense community called l’Abri, and have now said goodbye to the place that became home, to the people who became family. I have cried bucketloads, and have no energy left. Parting is such sorrow, and there is little that is sweet, but the memories.

I should be thinking about work; about the fact that I am homeless and nearly penniless. But all I can feel is weary and sad right now. And glad that I have been where I have been, with the people I have been with.

I want to put more thoughts on these pages; I want to grow in my writing, and to work through the many contradictory thoughts I have in my head. I hope this post will be the first in a new chapter, but there are no guarantees. Only that this time it will be different, because I am not the same person that I was on 6th February 2007. Too much has changed since then. I hope that the result will be of interest to you, but I don’t mind if it is not. I don’t think this is about you any more.

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